Monday, February 2, 2009


Andy has been gone for over 4 months and we all miss him terribly. It's just not the same without him here.There is a huge, gaping hole left in our family right now and there isn't anything we can do about it.

I have decided that we have to keep living our lives though. Not the same as before, but I still want each day to be meaningful and happy. It seems like we (and so many people with deployed family members) spend so much time missing our loved ones and wishing the days away until they are back instead of being thankful for this time.

Please don't misinterpret my words. I 'm not saying that I'm glad that he's gone (of course I'm not!) or that I'm not counting down the days until he gets back (I am).

I just don't want to wish this year away, because it's a year of my life. The kids are growing and learning. We have precious, special time to spend together (although it doesn't always feel so precious!). Each day is a gift and I wouldn't want this year to go by in a blur - with no memories. A year not lived.

I suppose what we have gone through the past few months has been akin to grief. Grieving for the loss of a year with him. For the loss of family time. But I think we are slowly getting past it.

So during the next 8 months of this deployment, we will be waiting and missing him, but we will be living...


MamaBugs said...

You are being very wise...we are right there with you in this. This is the 5th time in the Mid-East and I've lost count of everything else. I had a experience 2 years ago where I was very ill while he was gone and the little amount of living that we did still makes me sad. I've always tried to have us "thrive" and not just "survive" so I unerstand what you are saying perfectly!

Family G said...

Jen, that's a great plan and I think that's exactly what Andy wants you to do: Live your lives, enjoy each and every single day. Out of four years in Germany Rob was gone for three. I'm glad we didn't put our lives on hold but made the best of it even though we missed Rob terribly and it sure would have been a totally different experience with him there.

Andrea said...

Great job Jen, I am glad you are taking a positive outlook on this. I think the time will pass quicker and Andy will be home sooner than you think if you do just keep living your life and do what you can to talk and write to him. I wish I could be there to help you, but I know you can handle it, you are a strong woman! Love you!

Lepidoptera said...

It takes courage and bravery to get through a year without your beloved husband and daddy. While my husband has not been completely gone for a year, he did work out-of-state for over a year (home for long weekends) when we had two toddlers and one on the way. Last fall he changed jobs again and was working away from home again. I told him that if at all possible we needed to be in the same place. Now we are back together again. Thank the Lord! Being apart is hard, but if at all possible, you do carry on and make the best of it with God's grace.